Faces of Food: An MvFN Gallery of Pain
Over the season we’ve observed quite a few contestant putting their lives on the line to defeat food. Today, in reverence to all their hard work, we compile a medical collection of the most painful moments in our MvFN CHALLENGES! Salute the food.
THE INVERTED ATOMIC BOMB: Induced from overexposure to the raw habanero spice, symptoms from this condition include a numbness of the teeth and the sensation of a heat stroke in the lips. Individuals have occasionally described lapsed loss of sight. All these symptoms can best be cured with a full body milk shower.
CHEESE CHINLOCK: A combination of classic throatbuster and old fashioned lockjaw, this grilled cheese induced phenomenon leaves its victim unable to chew, talk, or think properly. As time goes by, and the food begins to solidify, many quickly find themselves praying remorsefully for upsetting the unforgiving and powerful cheese gods
SAD COWBOY: Regret, remorse, and misgivings. Often following a loss to the all-powerful FOOD. The all-telling ‘hand to face’ comfort move is a give away. The ‘Sad Cowboy’ will rear its ugly head once in a while to remind the contestants who’s boss. Tears are rare, but not something to rule out. Only time can heal this painful blow to the esteem.
ABDOMINAL STRETCH (A.K.A. Super Belly): Don’t mistake this serious ailment for common over-eating, this very serious affliction results from extended and consistent digestion of small but accumulating dishes. Men unfamiliar with pregnancy will find themselves at loss, stronger individuals will simply close their eyes and process the beast out.
THE ALAMO: A term not used lightly, food doctors categorize this stage as the “Last Stand”. For some it is a serene moment of faith and reflection, but for most a fiery furnace of hurt. Most do not overcome the Alamo, but of those that do a majority lead incredibly successful careers and lives. (Notable alumni: Adam Richman)
THAT’S IT FOR FACES OF FOOD! Come back for more next week.