Injuries I Have Sustained in the Last Six Months of Production:
- Sprained ankle (flip- flops, meet slippery wet floor.)
- Concussion (oh, hi there, steamep pipe.)
- Sprained wrist (I …don\’t even know.)
- Poison ivy (tip: don\’t use a cheese grater on it.)
- Food poisoning (ugh.)
- Sliced fingertip (I still have no feeling there.)
- Seasickness (that was fun.)
- Broken toe (poor little lefty.)
- Strep throat
- The flu
- Allergic reaction to antibiotics for said flu (insult, meet injury.)
- Broken blood vessels in both eyes (sexy!)
- A wide variety of bumps, bruises, scrapes, and scratches
- Fire- ant bite (oh my god, that was painful.)
- Burnt hand (Kids, listen to your science teacher. Microwave\’d glass is hot.)
- Waterslide rash (I swear.)
- Rug burn (ow ow ow.)
- More sunburns than I can count.
- Not to mention all the times I\’ve bruised my pride.
And thanks to L.A., I\’m charred once again. After a day of shooting on the beach, I\’m in a state. I\’ve got on two shirts, a hat and SPF 65, and I still look like I took a ride under the broiler. You know those sun charts that tell you how long you have until you burn? I have pale skin, red hair and blue eyes; add all that up and it just says DON\’T LEAVE THE HOUSE. SERIOUSLY. I\’m not even supposed to get too close to the toaster. Or a photo of the sun, if we\’re being honest here.
Upon returning to New York, it\’s itchy, painful and … well, you don\’t need to hear the rest. I\’m a veteran sun-burn-er, but this ain\’t right. I immediately visit My-Brother-in-Law-the-Doctor, aka Dr. Danny. He takes one look at me and, shaking his head, says I\’ve bested myself and now have sun *poisoning*. Guh?
I always thought sun poisoning fell under the same heading as the girls who complained of craaaamps every time we had to run the mile in gym class -; it wasn\’t real. Nope, says Dr. Danny, you\’ve been poisoned. Slather yourself in this ointment (ew), and stay away from the windows.
Six days later, I get off the couch, and I\’ve molted, leaving a Lesley-shaped outline behind. Season two, I\’m getting a Travel Channel beekeeper outfit.